Let’s Title This Poem Together

Posted: March 10, 2012 in MUSINGS
Tags: , , , , ,

I wrote this poem yesterday while I was sitting in a bus headed for Ghana’s Oil City, Takoradi. On reflection, it is a deep poem that I thought I should share with you. I posted it directly off-head to a Facebook group named P.O.E.T.S, standing for People Of Equal ThoughtS.

Has an eye for I
that damsel,
Sat upon a moonlight dreaming!
My eyes closed to mortality.
A new born in immortality.
I.

After writing it, I thought it could have ended with ‘Aye’, the pirates’ way of saying ‘Yes’! What could I title this poem? I wish a few of you could try a title for me that should be crisp, short and captivating. Let’s see them in the comments, thank you.

Ok, so the poem came randomly and the story is this: A certain lady has an eye for the speaker. He calls her a ‘damsel’ which I would like to think is reference to a woman who is graceful in gait and elegant in appearance. But in his third line, the speaker says that she is ‘Sat upon a moonlight dreaming!’, which could be explained thus: her love for him cannot be true or cannot be realised or cannot be acted on for a reason we don’t know. That is the only reason why he calls it a dream. In keeping with the utter beauty of our damsel, she sits against the moonlight, a very angelic figure.

Diva

Diva

Then the last three lines tell us why her love will only stay a dream. His eyes are ‘closed to mortality’. This means that he has lost the sense of mortals – he is dead. And the next line aptly tells us that he has become a new born in immortality. He has been born anew in the afterlife. Someone who just left this side of eternity will only be a baby on the other side, where life is theologically believed to exist ‘in immortality’ – forever.

He ends by saying ‘I’. ‘Yes’, says ‘aye’. Or we could say ‘Aye? I!’, to end the poem, giving a series of exciting play on words, each invoking different meanings to the poem’s ending. Enthralling piece, this. So help me. What would you throw in as a suggestion for this poem’s title? It needn’t be too fancy or too difficult a reply, should it? Let’s have fun.

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Comments
  1. Amerado says:

    Short but lovely and thought provoking. I’d title it ‘in death she loves me still’

    Like

    • Dela says:

      That’s a good one but I probably should have made it clear that the damsel has yet to find out that ‘I’ am dead. She loves me without knowing I just became a ‘new born in immortality’. Good title though, with the facts you had. :)

      Like

  2. elenlackner says:

    Hi , it´ a very nice poem. Thanks to advise me to read it. I greet you from Argentina

    Like

  3. Agana says:

    Call it Spirit Janitorial.

    Like

  4. ginasmom says:

    A couple ideas – not in any particular order
    -My Angel
    -My Dream
    -Moving on
    -New life
    -Dying Love

    Like

    • Dela says:

      I like ‘Dying Love’ for the fact that it captures the two people in the poem if you take the two words apart. The lad is ‘Dying’ while the lass is in ‘Love’. I love it. And of course, once the lady finds out he is dead, sooner or later, her love for him will wane and die.

      Like

  5. Dela says:

    I’m thinking of something like: ‘Renegade’. That will then be reference to Death for taking one away from the other.

    Like

  6. i would rather have you title it: BLIND BATIMEUS. origin: Holy Bible
    my reason: he had no physical eyes to see sin and mortal things that lead to sin.but has spiritual eyes to see God and burning in the desire to have a sense of physical sight that he lacked from birth. please check out the spelling of BATIMEUS, I may be wrong.

    Like

  7. MOONLIGHT BLUES
    Or maybe
    IMMORTALITY

    Like

  8. Zealous white says:

    Wave

    Like

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